mixed up

A windy afternoon a flash on my mind..

looking far away as if he was there watching. .
I’m all alone as I sitting down under my secret tree. The ambience was soothing..
I gazed up the sky watching the clouds that hovers the sun, and the sky so blue with the wind touches my face.
Oh.. what a beautiful feeling.. I surrounded by such beautiful flowers as they blown by great air.
The trees and bushes were green full of life.. the humming of birds that gave music to my ear.
Oh GOD thank you, life has is wonderful, your creation is so perfect. I stare, feel and hear your magnificent works oh God.
I can’t help, but to smile and i think I’m in paradise. ..
The moment was so perfect, the feeling of wellness I felt.
I glanced back but nobody was with me, I can’t share my happiness, I can’t share the experience I felt.
I only saw a shadow but it is only my own image.
The emptiness started to change the fullness of my heart; a silent cry I uttered then said..
I’m all alone.
Tears roll down.. I just let it dry by the softly blown wind..
I only imagine that if someone was there he already wiped my tears,
gives his shoulder to cry on with comforting words to share with,
but no one was there.
I was so silent, tired of thinking something.
the smile that traced out on my face before was turned out into an ugly pity appearance.
I stared for a long time on that angle hoping that he was standing and watching me.
I feel a little bit happy with that scene if ever it will gonna happen, but a cruel life I have.
I look up that area again and I saw a man holding a beautiful lady,
they were so sweet.. they made me jealous,
they are happy... they made me sad,
they laugh and converse aloud..they made me silent.
How sad the feeling I said, I cry sobbing with much tears,
I glanced back the picture was so true, it is not an imagination, its real..
they met on that area unaware that somebody was looking out,
it was me who patiently waiting for them, to see the clearer view how true the rumors was.
im so naive, meek ..im really sucks.


But now, I realize as I look them I already found myself,..I will never be mute and deaf again ..
even they walk away, I was still there on my spot thinking how sad my love story was.
I love him today but maybe not tomorrow..I love him but somebody deserves him and maybe we were destined to fall apart. Heavenly Father will send a right prince in the future..
I will never be with my shadow again ...but a partner hand in hand as we lay down the grasses and gaze up the sky ..
– I smile again trying to forget.. MY FIRST BROKEN HEART.